Once More With Feeling/Trials of Durance

Going Through the Motions (excerpt)
Every single night, the same arrangement,
I go out and fight the fight.
Still I always feel this strange estrangement,
Nothing here is real, nothing here is right.
I've been making shows of trading blows,
Just hoping no one knows,
That I've been going through the motions,
Walking though the part,
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart.

Walk Through The Fire (excerpt)
I touch the fire and it freezes me
I look into it and it's black
Why can't I feel?
My skin should crack and peel
I want the fire back
Now, through the smoke she calls to me
To make my way across the flame
To save the day or maybe melt away
I guess it's all the same
So, I will walk through the fire
Cause where else can I turn?
I will walk through the fire

_____

"The title of a god isn't KNOWING a god. Adhering to words rather than walking the path, testing yourself in the heat of it... Walk until the words are stripped away, and you feel it burning in your heart. That is the lesson."

Oh, Durance. You make me all kinds of warm when you put me on trial and purify me with your fiery tongue. Du vet smärtan efter att ens gud tystnat, och läxan som följer på detta - att sökandet efter bekräftelse från ens gud är ett tyngre ok att bära, än arbetet som krävs för att bära gud i ditt hjärta.

"Worship the whims of some fickle bitch and you'll never be more than the dirt beneath her feet. Worship what she worships, on the other hand, take her fire for your own, and her esteem comes on its own. Of course, by that time you no longer need it. Trial and transformation, sure as Durance taught.

Om gud predikar kärlek, glöm då gud, och kom ihåg att älska. När livet är dig övermäktigt, sök då inte Guds tröst, utan tröstens Gud - den heliga dialektikens gyllene punkt mellan underkastelse och medförfattande där ett heligt utbyte kan ske. Om gud har slutat tala med dig, lyssna då på det gud lystrar till - nåd. Tystnaden manar till taking the fire for ones own, och spegla gudomlighet i ens leverne, snarare än dyrkan. Modet att finnas utmynnar i modet att handla utifrån kärlek, snarare än väntan på att kärleken ska dyka upp runt hörnet. Eller med andra ord - "There's no true faith in waiting to be tested. The best in battle have already shit themselves plently, shit themselves until they're dry and can focus on the killing."